July 5, 2009
Honorable Judge Arkfeld,
I'm
writing to tell you about my husband of 11 years (we've been together
going on 18 years) and my 3.5 year-old daughter who were victims of a
drunk, unlicensed, uninsured driver on May 1, 2009. This could be a
very different impact statement had the angels in heaven not been sent
to protect my family, and while I assume you do not deal with "what
could have been" scenarios, it is that type of nightmarish thought that
haunts me when I think about the damage J Valdez could
have done to my family. That is precisely the emotional trauma I as
wife and mother of the victims live with daily.
My husband Aaron had just left McDonald's and was on his way home with our daughter Naomi. It was not quite 8pm and he was stopped at a stop light behind another car in the left lane when he heard screeching. The next thing he knew, he was hit from behind and pushed into the car in front of him. The police, using skid marks as a guide, determined J Valdez slammed into them at 45 mph. Tests performed on the scene that evening indicated J Valdez was drunk four times the legal limit. He had no license or insurance, but the car he had borrowed (and totaled) was insured. My husband and daughter were miraculously blessed-Aaron was left with neck pain and Naomi had one bruise on her shoulder from the harness of her car seat as the only evidence of her ordeal. Our car was totaled.
For perspective, I am the daughter of a Medical Examiner's Office medical investigator and I am well aware of the destruction and death that can result from an impact at 45 mph from the rear. The gas tank could have exploded, my daughter could have been burned by resulting fire, left a quadriplegic or killed. I could have been widowed. Yes, by the grace of GOD this did not happen, but I beseech you to consider that J Valdez had gross disregard for my family and everyone else on the road when he loaded himself up with alcohol and used his vehicle as a weapon on my husband and child. Quite frankly, he got lucky. Please let me be clear that my family and I are asking for the harshest punishment possible for J Valdez. He is only 22 and he was so intoxicated so early in the evening-all of this is disturbing in considering his future if you in your capacity as judge don't intervene and send him a powerful message that drinking and driving and hurting or killing innocent people is not allowed. This time we suffered property and monetary damage and if he is let off easily, perhaps the next time his victims won't be as fortunate.
I don't have any idea of the scope of your sentencing limits, but I would like to raise something for your consideration. Naomi is a very special girl who has been burdened with painful health conditions since birth. As an infant she was failure to thrive and required a feeding tube for several months before an accurate diagnosis could be established. Her brain is in perfect condition but she has a speech motor delay which qualifies her for special needs education. It goes without saying how devastated we would have been had she been hurt or killed by J Valdez, but we know there are many children living with the physical and emotional damage of alcohol-either directly due to fetal alcohol syndrome, or by being in the path of a person like J Valdez who commits wanton criminal assault with reckless disregard. We would like to respectfully request that in addition to being required to reimburse our $500 car insurance deductible, we ask that as part of J Valdez paying for his crime to the fullest extent of the law, perhaps you may see fit to order some sort of community service working with special needs children.
Thank you very much for taking our wishes into consideration.
Respectfully,
Laura
big joan died today at 11:55 am. she was born on a wednesday and she died on a wednesday. perhaps this was appropriate for someone who brought so much pain and misery and despair to her children and descendants. i told myself long ago i don't want to judge her...i have no idea what she went through that could possibly make her the way she was, lacking a conscience and the ability to care for anyone other than herself. her family always made excuses for her, but i refuse to. my mother and my uncle suffered deeply because of her inability to love, to care, to feel anything remotely human toward another human being, and the effects of her "parenting" are still trickling down the generations, but i promise that the dysfunction of earlier generations will stop with me. i'd die before i'd let naomi be a casualty.
big joan...for what it is worth, i tried. i drove down from phx several times to take you shopping and spend time with you. i made you gifts when we were too poor to buy them...a wreath, a cross stitched ice skate bookmark and bluebell jar, sent pics of me pregnant with the baby and after her birth, brought her to visit you (you were bothered by her exuberant baby voice, so i had to go against my instinct and tell her to quiet down), i took all your old albums and pulled the pics out of the acidic books and scrapped them into acid free albums for their preservation...i did all of this and so much more just because i wanted to. throughout your life everyone who loved you wanted to make you happy, and in the end you chose a life of near complete solitude having burned your bridges irreparably with my mother and uncle so that i was the only one who would visit you. it didn't have to be that way. your daughter only wanted you to love her. that was all. your love would have been her most precious possession, something to tether her when storms, as they frequently do, came to batter her. to the end, you refused her that one thing that just might have repaired the half century of emptiness and loss and sadness that not being loved can cause in a person. no, i don't want to judge you, but seeing and living the effects of your years of rampaging, cruel abuse makes it hard not to.
the wedding ring big stan gave you is delicate and beautiful in its simplicity on my left ring finger. i still remember you giving it to me. aaron and i had come by to keep you company and i asked you questions about your life growing up. you left for a minute and when you came back, you had your wedding ring from big stan with you. since you hated that man who was the father of your children, you said it meant nothing to you and that i could have it. i remember feeling so grateful that you hadn't thrown it away, like you had done with so many other precious things that meant so much to my mother, and immediately i thought of mom because big stan had recently died and she was having a hard time dealing with the grief caused by mourning a parent who was the lesser of two evils. you never knew this but when i got back to mom's house i showed it to her and said she could have it and wear it if it would make her grief any easier to deal with. she thanked me but said it didn't matter if big stan gave it to you, it was still yours and probably cursed with evil and i shouldn't have anything to do with it. how could any of us had known at the time that it would be important to me to wear your ring while you were dying years later?
yesterday mom called to say that you had been unresponsive for days and had refused food and drink for 3 days and you were not responding to anything mom was saying, or even mortimer who she brought along and licked your hand. then, as i told her to do, she told you that naomi jun was coming on sunday to visit you. your eyes opened. you started talking. you ate puree food and sherbet and you seemed to want to rally if only to see the child with your mother's name for a nickname, but today we know it was really your last meal. my girl had been praying for you, you know. naomi knew you were sick and prayed to jesus for you. she had been talking about going to tucson to see you. i thank you for appearing to respond to my baby the way you did, and it will be the one happy story of her great grandma joan that i can tell her someday. thank you for giving me that gift.
so now, tonight, as i wear your wedding ring that sealed my future existence nearly 60 years ago, i choose to let go of the pain and hard feelings and simply reflect on how fragile, delicate, and precious life is and how any one of us could be lost or lose someone we love tomorrow...take nothing for granted.
i loved you.
Laura
Full Name: LaLaLaura
Sign: capricorn
Eye colour: green.
Shoe size: 8
Height: 5/5
Innie or Outie:
after lifting my boob i discovered it's an innie
What are you wearing right now:
support hose and birkenstocks
What did you have for breakfast:
i'm not a big breakfast person.
What makes you smile:
lots of things. flowers. kittens. the guy next to me in line for the
YYY concert who was peeing in a bush for 10 minutes. the mini sirloin
burger brigade at Jack in the Crack. the phrase "bleeble blabble." need
i go on?
What or who makes life worth living:
the girl, my whoopie cushion collection
What do you like better, colored pencils, crayons, or markers:
um, my gremlins lunchbox is way cooler than any of these.
What have you been labeled:
i'm really not sure, but more importantly scarlett, i don't give a
damn. several years ago i reached the enlightened stage of
self-acceptance. i am me and it is ok if people love me or hate me.
Do you think you are a nice person:
let's say i love people easily.
What is the worst pain you've ever felt:
emotional/tubing my baby
What did you have for lunch:
i don't eat lunch
What do you have in your cup/bottle:
diet pepsi and jim beam
What grade are you in:
are you serious?
What do you want to be:
here's the deal. i'm already the most fascinating girl you'll never meet.
What is your worst habit:
believing the best about people
What time is it:
time to turn this mutha out. who came up with all the jazzy questions?
What is your favorite scent:
naomi baby scent
What is your favorite perfume:
dk cashmere mist
What is your favorite store:
dollar tree
What do you fear:
ventriloquists. if i see one i scream and drool on myself.
What did you have for supper:
i don't really eat dinner either. what's with the food obsession?
Name two people you miss really badly:
granny and gramps
Where are they:
NM and heaven, respectively
Is any one mad at you:
probably. i have that effect on people.
Who do you truly hate:
psychopaths in general and phil spector in particular. i truly think
that man believes his toupee turns him into a lady killer. oh snazzle
dazzle! i just made a hot pun.
Does any one like you:
probably not. i lack charm and social graces.
Who is the last person you went to the beach with:
aaron
Who or what were you named after:
Laura Petrie, dick van dyke show.
Do you make people angry:
supposedly i can be frustrating.
Do you like who you are:
never have. why start now? i'm lazy like that.
Do you like to walk in the rain:
always
Do you like expensive things:
having exquisite taste and being a savvy bargain shopper can go hand-in-hand.
Do people asking you too many questions in a row bother you:
not really.
Why?:
i'm an open book.
Do you like cameras:
if i'm behind it.
Do you like taking pictures:
love it.
Do you want to die:
i am apathetic about the topic.
Do you smoke:
no
Do you drink:
heavily
Do you like swimming:
submerging myself in public bath water is not tops on my list.
Do you like the ocean:
until i get to the part where my feet can't touch the ground.
Why:
the depth of the ocean freaks me out.
Are you morbid:
slightly, perhaps.
Do you think you are smart:
i know enough to get by in life.
Do you have a job:
raising a human being to be a healthy, responsible, contributing member
of our society. can you think of a more important job? if you have the
job of PARENT, don't do it half ass.
Do you get along with your boss:
she's too cute to stay mad at for long.
Do you get along with your parents:
if all of us have been drinking, yes.
Do you do your own laundry:
that's what the hubs is for.
Do you want kids:
1 is enough, thanks.
Do you like clowns:
only if there's a VW bug full of them in my bed. i run a tight ship though. no clown nose, no lovins
.
Do you enjoy fairs:
not unless i get to stick my face in the cutout and have people throw cream pies at me.
Have you been called a slut before:
i hope so.
Have you ever had sex:
i'm receiving therapy for nymphoid mania. grease 2 fans holla at me!!!!
Are you good at history:
i ADORE history.
Are you good at English:
i appreciate the rules of the english language and am a self-styled grammar nazi.
Been in a police car:
many times. never in handcuffs, although that would be smokin'.
1) What is your salad dressing of choice?
eegee's house
2) What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
greek fest
3) What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of?
greek/cajun
4) What are your pizza toppings of choice?
pep, mushrooms, tomatoes, ham
5) What do you like to put on your toast?
depends on if it's the newest holy relic toast. if it comes out looking
like jesus with a mohawk, i won't defile it with butter and immediately
put it up for bids on ebay.
6) How many televisions are in your house?
1 too many.
7) What color cell phone do you have?
aqua/white
8) Are you right-handed or left-handed?
righty tighty
9) Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
a 7 lb humanoid creature exited my chia hole a few years ago. oh, and wisdom teeth!
10) What is the last heavy item you lifted?
the dead body in the bomb shelter shed out back, next to the toilet and the datsun up on bricks.
11) Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
no, but it's on my bucket list!
12) If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
yes. and manner of death.
13) If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
lanolin
14) Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
probably.
15) How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
1
16)What is/are your goal/s for the year?
renew my subscription to playboy. i get it for the articles.
17) Last person you talked to?
naomi
18)Last person you hugged?
naomi
19)Favorite Season?
winter for the darkness, summer for the monsoon.
20) Favorite Holiday?
no pants day, may 1.
21) Favorite day of the week?
friday
22) Favorite Month?
december
23) First place you went this morning?
nudist swim and crafts camp.
24) What's the last movie you saw?
mall cop?
25) Do you smile often?
no way.
26) Do you always answer your phone?
mostly texts...open for business 24/7.
27) It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
your gf.
28) If you could change your eye color what would it be?
violet
29) What flavor drink do you get at Sonic?
grape slush
30) Have you ever had a pet fish?
paco, pepito, punjab. betas
31) Favorite Christmas song?
i'll be stoned for christmas
32) What's on your wish list for your birthday?
a strippergram...from your gf.
33) Can you do push up?
yes
34) Can you do chin ups?
one?
35) Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
i'm so chill i just pop my tranqs and roll with it.
36) Do you have any saved texts?
no
37) Ever in a car wreck?
several. one head on that totaled our car.
38) Do you have an accent?
az peeps don't have accents like the rest of the world.
39) What is the last song to make you cry?
i.don't.cry.dammit. and who cries over songs?
40) Plans tonight?
it's cream corn nibblets night at furrs.
41) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
frequently.
42) Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
cucumber, condoms, happy 69th birthday dad card.
43) Have you ever been given roses?
yes.
44) Current hate right now?
the dutch, maybe because the damn wooden clogs inspire rage within me.
45) Met someone who changed your life?
yes
46) How did you bring in the New Year?
in bed.
47) What song represents you?
bjork-violently happy
48) Name three people who might complete this?
i'll wager 20$ no one will.
49) What were you doing 12 AM last night?
thinking
50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
germ theory vs miasma
A - Age: ...32
B - Bed size: ...queen
C - Chore you hate...sex slave.
D - Dog's name: ...if i had a dog his name would be sisyphus or pissant.
E - Essential start your day item: ...mimosa sans oj with a dash of lithium.
F - Favorite color: ... purple
G - Gold or Silver: ...platinum
H - Height: ... 5 feet 5 inches of sex on legs.
I - Instruments you play..heart strings. no really, i swear it. *pluck*
J - Job title: ...houseslut, bullshit artist, former figure skating instructor and most recently...every day i put on my mom pants and try to be the best mom ever...it's what i do.
K - Kid(s): ... naomi the great.
L - Living arrangements...shacking up with the husband.
M - Mom's name: cary.
N - Nicknames:..scoop, phoenix, cuntzilla, babymama.
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: none.
P - Pet Peeve...judgmental peeps...people who can't remove the mask once in a while and let themselves hang to the left a bit.
Q - Quote from a movie: "unfortunately, my neck does look like a vagina."
R - Right or left handed: righty tighty.
S - Siblings: sis, half bro.
T - Time you wake up: weekdays, 6. weekends i'm in an alcohol induced coma until noon.
U- Underwear: cheeky hipster or a g string when i want a good floss.
V - Vegetable you dislike: beets make me gag.
W - Ways you run late: usually don't...but if i do it's because of the girl.
X - X-rays you've had: shin, teeth.
Y - Yummy food you make: pot roast, lemon meringue pie, homemade spaghetti, chinese chicken, lemon chicken...the list goes on. i do all my best work in the kitchen when not doing my best work in the bedroom.
Z - Zoo favorite: i enjoy getting pissed on in monkey village. the big cats are super fab too.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? my mom knew my name when she was 7 or so...the dick van dyke show...wife named laura petry, i think. laura it was always to be, unless i was a boy, and then i would have been cameron.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? anyone who knows me knows my motto-crying is for pussies, but... i had a breakdown on the nm trip and cried till i hyperventilated and my neck got splotchy and my lips got swollen in gallup nm. (i'm what you call an ugly crier.) i was very worried about naomi and overwhelmed-cut me some slack. i sucked it up for the rest of the trip.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? writing is so 1990s. i type, bitches.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? ARBY'S!!!! i like ham best but i love all meat.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? i have one. she will be an only child. she is already collecting and naming rocks as friends.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? if only to borrow from my witty tee shirt collection...
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? whatevah.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? aaron just checked with his tongue...he says they are still there.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? there are more appealing ways to die than watching rocks and concrete speeding toward your head. i'm a mother-i have to live.
10. FAVORITE CEREAL? holy fudge do i love me some frosted flakes.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? my hooker heels don't come with laces.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? mint chocolate chip!!! baskin is the best.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? if the curtains match the rug.
15. RED OR PINK? pink. *wink*
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? why was i the only one in the fam to get the polydactyl toes gene?
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? eh. missing leads to crying and crying is for pussies.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? i'm sure everyone else has a life.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? true story...i'm not wearing pants or shoes.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? smashing pumpkins.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? i would be violent violet.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? rain. mimi's cheeks. aaron's neck. orange blossoms and tx mountian laurel blossoms. tempe goodwill in the middle of summer.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? some 1-900 prostitute...i think her name was candy.
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? i would even make out with her.
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? ice skating, gymnastics, college basketball.
27. HAIR COLOR? idk. strange mixture of blonde, brown and red. i want to go goth black or pink though.
28. EYE COLOR? green.
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yes.
30. FAV FOOD? greek food.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? scary movies because happy endings are for pussies.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? i was drunk and therefore i don't recall.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? true story-i'm not wearing a shirt either. wtf? it's saturday and i'm an adult. i don't have to get dressed if i don't want to.
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer.
35. HUGS OR KISSES? fondling.
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? i'm kinda the only one who does these things and considers them fun.
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? *sigh*
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? odd thomas odd hours.
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? true story-no mouse pad.
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? ANTM on tivo with the girl.
42. FAVORITE SOUND(S): naomi laughing. naomi talking. naomi snoring. thunder. silence. music, blessed music. aaron whispering to me in french...way hot.
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? nirvana.
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? florida.
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? i have the lung capacity to blow up 3 full size blow up companions in less than 2 minutes.
46 WHERE WERE YOU BORN? tucson, az.
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? i hope none of you losers waste my time.
48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? in church. 1991.
49. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FORWARD TO MOST IN THE FUTURE? aaron bringing me home my natural light 12 pack tonight.
you know me. i like to be my own shrink and diagnose and treat myself therapeutically when i have the time. mostly it is in the form of surveys, but there was something i have needed to do for a long time but haven't had the strength to do until today. basically, i have avoided posting pictures of the 5 months of hell we lived when naomi was tubed, but i more than anyone know avoidance is cowardly and the last thing i am is a coward.
i just spent the last hour looking through those pictures and marveling as i always do at her spirit and her strength and her will and her natural happiness and i know that as painful as it is to look and remember, it is part of our story and it deserves being told. while those 5 months don't define any of us, it has played a part in shaping who we have become as people and parents, and in naomi's case, it took a naturally vivacious and vibrant girl and made her into a warrior. for the rest of her life i will have no doubt that this is a girl who can move mountains and overcome challenges that might break an ordinary person...and the best part is she will do it with that smile that radiates from her sweet soul. i am most proud of that girl.
come...witness our struggle and celebrate our victory.** http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.editAlbumPhotos&albumID=2223616&MyToken=1b623163-c2ec-4c2e-b625-0741430d264f
**i'm a privacy nut. the pics are in a private album...just send me a friend request and you too can become a VIP. :P
